HOW TO TICK PEOPLE OFF

1# Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 99 copies.
2# In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sexual favors."
3# Specify that your drive-through order is "TO-GO."
4# If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.
5# Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.
9# Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."
7# Reply to everything someone says with "that's what you think."
8# Practice making fax and modem noises.
9# Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc" them to your boss.
10# Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
11# Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophesy."
12# Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears and grimacing.
13# Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room.
14# Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
15# Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way."
16# Staple pages in the middle of the page.
17# Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a croaking noise.
18# Honk and wave to strangers.
19# Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints at the cash register.
20# TYPE IN UPPERCASE.
21# type only in lowercase.
22# dont use any punctuation either
23# Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.
24# Repeat the following conversation a dozen times.
"DO YOU HEAR THAT?"
"What?"
"Never mind, it's gone now."
25# As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
26# Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "No, wait, I messed it up," and repeat.
27# Ask people what gender they are.
28# While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.
29# Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
30# Sing along at the opera.
31# Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.
32# Ask your co-workers mysterious questions and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles."

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